Helllooooo Aprillllll.

April is the worst month of the year. It's the most stressful, depressing, lousiest excuse for a month EVER.

Today was okay,
I talked/argued/yelled at my Spanish teacher today for a good long while because I am stubborn and even though she is usually right, I will never give her the satisfaction of winning a fight. Even if she reads this, which she will, I have not given up! I will still argue with her.. even if she's right.
:]
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You told me that you're tired of defending your feelings for me. And even though that is not my intention when I try to talk to you about everything, I can see how you would feel that way. I know you love me. I know that without me, you would be lost. I know that how I feel about you, is exactly how you feel about me. But I'm a insecure girl with a serious jealousy problem and I'm not good at dealing with it. Every girl I see is prettier, smarter, and just all around better than me. Deep down I know this isn't true. I am beautiful, smart, and there is nobody that fits you quite like I do. But my immediate reaction to any female is beyond defensive and I'm always ready to take down anyone that just looks at you. I fear that I'm not good enough for you. That everything about your past is far more perfect than I could ever be. When I tell people this, they look at me as if I'm crazy, and they say, "If he wanted to be with someone else, he would be." And I'll agree, but I still worry about it. I just don't want to lose you again. I've been through that once, and even though I would except it and let you be happy (just as I did before), it would kill me.
I work everyday to build my self-esteem. Everyday is a little bit better. I've always been insecure, and even though I hate to admit it, when I lost you, it got worse. I don't blame you for anything. You are a human, and we humans usually mess things up, even when we never have the intention to. I fix things by talking about them, and you hate talking about it, because you feel bad for hurting me. I'll get over it soon, just please bear with me.
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"it's like I'm a garden salad with a light vinaigrette, and he's a platter of seafood Cajun pasta. Alone, we're good. Together, we're fantastic."



"There will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears. Get over your hill and see what you find there. With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair."