I'm Shiloh: lover of sunshine, Texas, conversation, and Italian food. I enjoy wasting my time admiring the beauty of everyday life, and I'm a master of being responsibly irresponsible.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

"Hope, I need a ray of that."

Hey y'all. 
This has been a rough week and I'm just going to go through my thoughts.. Sorry if they make absolutely no sense to you. 

- basketball has always been my thing. It's something I've always done and always loved. But what are you supposed to do when what you love creates problems with the ones you love? It's complicated, and you would have to know me and the person I'm referring to very well to understand. I just need to know how to handle certain people, and no one on this whole entire planet seems to have an answer. 

- I want you to be proud of me. I want to be perfect for you. Nothing you say to me could ever change that. I want you to look at me like you understand. I want you to give me a chance to tell you I how feel without you making me feel bad for it. I want to look at you everyday and know that no matter what, you're never going to leave my side, you will always support me. I will never be numb to you. Every word, every look, every movement affects me in ways that you probably can't wrap your head around. I love you, so so much and I always will. I just need to know that I'm good enough for you. 

- on another basketball note, I've been playing the game for a very long time. So the next time you want to pull your crap, remember who you're dealing with. 

- I don't know how to express to you how much I love you. And nothing that is going on right now is going to change anything about us. You are my rock, the person I lean on. To have you question how I feel about you, kills me. 

Well I'm on my phone and I'm sleepy. So I'll talk to you guys tomorrow. 
Goodnight! 
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1 comment:

  1. AnonymousApril 18, 2011 at 9:13 PM

    You're definitely not alone in the way you feel. Sometimes you have to choose between the game you love or the person. Personally I chose the person and I don't know what would have happened had I chose the game, but I do know that being in love is soooo much more rewarding than winning a game or making an awesome three lol. Did I miss basketball? YES! When I got to college I started playing intramural and I met a lot of friends that way, it was a good compromise.

    Now on the second big paragraph.....I feel the same way a lot. Once I talked to him about it I realized he is not looking for me to be perfect because no one is, but instead just looking for me to be me. Because if someone really loves you they love your "flaws" just as much as every other part of you. Its always hard knowing the person you trust the most will always be there and honestly its downright scary, but in order to love that person fully you have to just jump and hope they will be there to catch you. I also know what you mean about being numb to someone and words do hurt sometimes, but you can not ever make yourself numb to the person you love. Once you do that I honestly think your relationship is over; that's what I have experienced in the past. And the "good enough" statement. I think everyone in a relationship asks themselves that question and everyone can come up with reasons why they are not good enough. But if you talk about those reasons and he says he looks past that/forgives you for mistakes/or just loves you no matter what then you have to learn to get the "not good enough" thought out of your head......I know its super hard to do that.

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