Love in the lies.

"Maybe it's not my weekend, but it's gonna be my year."



Oh, 'sup 2010?
It's about time, I'd say.


There is not a single word I could use to describe the year of 2009.
I grew up and learned so much.
But it's late and I don't feel like spilling my guts right now.

I'll do this tomorrow or something.
Lol.
Goodnight, sweet dreams.


Oh, I love my best friend.

Santa! I know him!

What's up?
Tomorrow is Christmas and I am super excited.
Best friend's coming over.
Then the next day I'm going to New Mexico with some family.
I'm going to miss Brenton like craaaaaaaaazy.


Anyways! I really have nothing to say. SO.

Goodnight, and Merry Christmas.


:)

How do you spell Shiloh? B.I.T.T.E.R.

I am awfully annoyed at the moment.
At first I was kind of mad at myself for being annoyed. But I got over that. I am just plain annoyed and there is no denying it.

Like okay, everyone, take a few moments and think to yourself about what YOU want.
Get back to me on that, K?

Goodbye.

Oh, what a shame.

"I'm sorry won't cut it for the rest of your life. Get a hold of yourself and say goodbye. Hope you realize, you threw away the best thing that ever happened to you. Forget my name and forget my face. Hope you get on a plane and forget this place."

Bitter is my middle name and it's not really something I'm proud of.
I've accepted it though, so be it.

Today was the last day of the semester. THANK GOODNESS.
It's going to do me some good to get away from school for a little while.

Oh, I love my best friend!
Bye!

Chinese dog, nice one.

"It's okay to be angry and never let go. It only gets harder the more that you know. When you get lonely, if no one's around, you know that I'll catch you when you're falling down. We came together but you left alone and I know how it feels to walk out on your own."

LoveHateLoveHate.
Make up your mind.
Nobody loves an indecisive person.

I'm very tired of school.
One day we're all best friends. And the next, we all hate each other.
We are so cool.


It amazes me how people can be so, to put it nicely, heartless.
I'm sure the person I'm about to complain about doesn't even care enough to read this.
But who cares, I'm venting.

For crying out loud, she was your best friend.
How in the world could you do something that awful to her?
I don't understand you, at all.
I know you're not a bitch. So why do you have to act like one?
She put every single ounce of trust she had in you and were too small of a person to be there for her.
You took advantage of her countless times and it amazes me how you can consider yourself a descent person.

Immaturity seems to be the thing that makes the high school world spin.

On another note.
Will someone please explain to me how you can be so awful to someone, then expect them to love you back?
PLEASE. Somebody help me out here.
I need some answers.

Speakingofbeingawfultopeople.
If you want to sit there and be a total bitch to someone that I care about more than anything, go ahead. Just don't try to walk back into their lives by telling them how much you miss them.

Jealousy ruins people.
It's eating at me right now and I can't help it.




Catch you on the flip side.

If you're always here, I never have the opportunity to miss you.

YeahYeahYeah, me and my best friend spend a lot of time together.
Get over it.

Anyways, school sucks.
I used to love going to school, seeing all my friends, and all that jazz.
But lately, it's just torture to get up every morning and go throught the same routine every single day. I don't even like half of the people I go to school with. It's a sad realization, really.

Girls are annoying and boys are immature.
I like to complain, have you noticed?

I go to history and fall asleep almost every day.
I go to geometry and put my brain through hell every day.
I go to chemistry and make ionic and covalent compounds every day.
I go to algebra and talk to juniors who...no comment..... every day.
I go to english and try not to kill two of the most of the annoying people I know every day.
I go to spanish and speak gibberish every day.

Bitter? I know.

I know this is something that elementary kids are supposed to say, but lunch is the best part of my day. The people at my table know how to deal with me, most of the time.


I want to sleep until I can't sleep anymore. It's exhausting being this tired. If that makes sense.

Bye.

Love, it's a scary thing.

It's 1:54 and I can't sleep.
I'm so tired of people.





That's all I got.









Goodnight.

My rock.

So. My best friend makes me feel like I hung the moon. I absolutely love love love him.

This shall be the post where I spill my guts about the history of me and my best friend. Now pay attention, this can get confusing.



My best friend is Brenton. I began talking to him on January 17, we officially met on February 6, and my heart broke on April 18.

Somewhere between February and April, I fell in love.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking, and go ahead, you can have your opinion. Just know that you're wrong. I loved him, and I still do.



On January 16, one of my friends came over and just happened to be texting Brenton. Joking around, he mentioned that I should text him later. He had no idea who I was, and vice-versa. I honestly thought that he would never want anything to do with another freshman girl, seeing that there were already rumors floating around the school about him and some girls in my grade. But I got his number from my friend, "saving" it for later.



I went to a mavs game the next day with one of my best friends, Haley. I got bored on the way to Dallas. And, you guessed it, I texted Brenton.

"Hey, I'm Shiloh, and my friend Hannah told me to text you?"

"Haha. I was kidding, but hey."

"Oh, I see how it is. You don't HAVE to talk to me."

"No, it's cool. What's up?"

It goes on.



That night he called me and we stayed on the phone for about 5 hours.

My phone died in the middle of our conversation, and I woke up to to a text message.

"Good morning beautiful."

It was bliss.



There was never a moment when we weren't talking to each other. It was a continuous conversation for days and days. Every morning I woke up to the same text message and every night I feel asleep to him breathing on the other end of phone line.

I was perfectly happy.



Homecoming was February 6th.

He picked me up from the dance and took me home. Met my parents. Stole my heart.

We began spending all of our time together.

I was falling fast, and he led me to believe that he was too.



It was perfect until the around Easter.

He began being so distant. I kept reaching out and he kept pushing me away. He told me that it was best, that I should stay away. He was dangerous.

He had always told me that he didn't want a girlfriend and I just went with it.



On April 18, at 5:30 in the morning, my phone went off. It was from my best friend, Peyton.

I won't go into details but she had found out that Brenton was talking to someone in Paradise. My heart snapped in half, I heard it.



I was so angry at everyone. Him, the girl, the world.

How could he not have been man enough to break my heart? God. My best friend had to do it.

I had always heard about heart break, and how bad it was. But I went overboard.



I compare myself to Bella in twilight, and he was my Edward. I became a zombie. I couldn't think, I couldn't do anything.

If you think I'm exxagerating, ask anyone that knew me during that time.

I slept in every single class, I began failing my classes, and nobody knew what to do with me. Nobody knew how to react.

My parents took me to the doctor because I was always tired,

and he mentioned depression.



But through it all, Brenton was there. Telling me that I was going to be oaky. I was going to get through this. He was there, he wasn't going to let me fall.



The worst part of it all, was knowing that the person that was most important to me didn't want me anymore. I had no sense of control. Everyone was making all of my decisions for me.





I lived in a nightmare for about four months.

I became a bitter person, and bitterness has become a part of me.



But through it all, I became a stronger person.



His relationship finally ended with that girl, and I was there waiting. Like I had always said I would be.

When a heart breaks, no it don't break even.

It's amazing how quickly we become clones of the people we associate ourselves with. I've always been one to consider myself an "original person" or an "individual", but honestly, it's difficult to avoid picking up habits from people that you spend about 98% of your time with. They're not necessarily bad habits, but they're just things that take away from yours and the other person's individuality. I need to work on this.


It's Thanksgiving break. Woo Hoo.
I love spending time with family. They make me feel special.

We played Mansfield Legacy yesterday, and it was my first real game of the season. It feels great to get back in the swing of things.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Be back soon.

There is no us.

I've come to the realization that I don't like people. I mean, I've never been a "people person". But lately, everyone, and I mean everyone is getting on my nerves, give or take a few people. But I don't understand how people can be so obnoxious and down-right stupid. I really don't like those people that feel like they have to keep poking at something that they should have let go a long time ago. I understand that you care, and that you want to be wanted, but from my point of view, it looks like you need to give up.




On another note, I miss my best friend. He needs to come over like, now.

She gets airsick.

SO. First day of "blogging". I've heard this is a great way to vent, and I heard it can get pretty intense. In case there IS anyone reading this, I'm Shiloh and I'm a very bitter person. Be back soon.