I'm just gonna love you, like the woman I love.

"When you try your best, but you don't succeed.
When you get what you want, but not what you need.
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep,
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face.
When you lose something you can't replace.
When you love someone, but it goes to waste,
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home,
And ignite your bones,
And I will try to fix you.

And high up above or down below,
When you're too in love to let it go,
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth.

Lights will guide you home,
And ignite your bones,
And I will try to fix you."



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In 42 days, my bags (boxes) will be packed, and I will be moving into my dorm at Texas State University. However, as exciting as it is, I can't seem to get rid of the anxiety and everything else that seems to be outweighing everything good about the good in the situation. I've lived on the same 12 acres my whole entire life. The one and only time that I "moved", it was across the yard and I cried for days because I couldn't let go of the old house. Now, for the first time, I will be 4 hours away from literally everything that I've ever known. So long story short, I'm already homesick.

In the past few weeks, I've experienced a harsh realization. I am 18 years old. I have never gotten drunk (or even drank without my parents being aware of it). I have never smoked a cigarette. I don't cuss like a sailor. And I am asleep before 1 a.m. almost every single night. Because of all of these things, I am considered to be a "loser", a "nerd", a "good girl", to 98% of people my age. Since when does being a good girl get me a bad reputation? I'm too "boring". Oh, I'm boring because I enjoy intelligent, sober conversation? I'm boring because I can get totally lost in a book and I'm totally okay with spending a night watching a movie with parents? I am, by no means, looking down on people that enjoy getting drunk on the weekends and stay out until ridiculous hours of the night. I am just confused about the fact that I am pretty much an outcast with people my age because of the (good) choices that I make.

Random letters to not-so-random people.
-You are one of the sweetest people I know. I don't deserve your friendship. And I care about you enough to let you know that I'm not worth it.
-Everything was good for awhile, but for some reason, we just fell apart. I'm not sure what's going on or what's going to happen, but just know that I still care about you and I'll always be here, even when I'm 4 hours away.
-I love you and I meant it when I told you that I'm going to fix everything. I know it's not going to be easy, and I understand that I can't make you stay, but I'm asking you to. Because I believe that we're worth it.
-Nice try. But trust me, it won't work.