I don't have a choice, but I still choose you.

Hey y'all.

-Christmas is officially two days away and I can honestly say that it has literally snuck up on me. December has gone by way too fast, kind of like everything else this year. But I'm trying to enjoy it while I can. Brenton and I already celebrated our Christmas together, and it was perfect.

-For those of you who are keeping up with my life, I still have no idea where I'm going to college. However, at the moment, I am leaning towards UTA. Mainly because if I were to sit down and make a list of pros and cons on each college, UTA would definitely win the war. But who knows? I sure don't.

-As most of you know, this year has been rough for the girl's basketball program. 4 of our best players out with injuries. 2 of which are definitely out for the season. I am the only senior, there is only 1 junior, and the rest are underclassmen. There are only 11 active players in the program. To say that it has been, and will be, a tough year is a colossal understatement.

-Still on the note of basketball, all I can focus on is the fact that my last season is already 2/3 of the way over.

-On a heavier note, it's almost impossible to get on facebook lately without seeing news about the death of a young person. Now, being the sensitive person that I am, I hate the constant reminders that life is short and that it can be taken from you when you least expect it. But, on the other hand, I'm learning more and more everyday to appreciate the people that surround me. I'm blessed beyond belief and I take advantage of this fact on a daily basis.

-Subject Change. I need a job.

-With Christmas comes the New Year. It's hard to believe that another year has gone by. 2012 will bring so many things, but we can talk about that later.


"In a world that gets lost in making plans, just be my woman and I will be your man."

Hey y'all. I know it's been awhile. And I know I made a promise to write whenever I could and I'm being totally honest when I tell you that this is really the first time I've had time to think about what to write.. Plus, I'm writing this from my iPhone, so it doesn't even really count at a legit post. But I'm going to try to make it as legit as possible. (sorry for any typos)

-since my last post, I have turned 18. That's right. The big 1-8. Whatever importance there is, I haven't found yet. I'm in that awkward time of new age where when someone asks you how old you are and you forget you've had a birthday and you blurt out 17. But anyways, I'm now an "adult" I guess. But some exciting things came with my birthday. One of them being that I got a new car. It's a ford escape and I love it. Big thanks to my parents for making my birthday amazing. 

-As many of you know, I'm a senior and this is my last year playing basketball. Last week, my best friend, Sarah, hurt her finger in practice. She thought it might be broken, but she played anyways. Well, she went to the doctor today and he decided that she needed surgery and that she would be out for the whole season. It's been on my mind all day that my last year playing basketball will be spent without her. Sure, she'll be at all the games and practices and I know she'll be with me every step of the way, but it's difficult to imagine her not on the court with me. 

-And also, as many of you know, I'm seriously torn between University of Texas at Arlington and Texas State. Recently, I applied to both of their honors programs. I've known for awhile about my acceptance to the honors at Texas State, but I've been waiting for awhile to hear back from UTA. While waiting to hear from UTA, I decided that I would lean towards the college that accepted me into their honors, hoping to make my decision easier. But yesterday I received an email from UTA letting me know that I have been accepted into their honors program as well. Yes, it is good news, but i feel like I'm never going to be able to make a decision. 

--I would like to use the little remaining brain power I have to write my random letters to not-so-random people. 


- It is obvious that we are slowly separating and it makes me sad. We've been so close for so long that it's hard to imagine us not together. We fit together well and I just hope we don't lose that. 

- I think about you sometimes. Not often, but just enough to hope you're doing okay without your past. I've moved on from everything and I feel brand new, and I hope you feel the same way. 

- you, my friend, are fabulous, just like me :) haha. But really, you remind me a lot of myself and you're honestly one of my favorite people ever. 

- I love you more than you will ever be able to understand. 

It's time to face the music,

Okay, it's time to make a promise. From now on, I promise to write something whenever I have the chance. There are too many days that I log onto blogger, click "new post" and just stare at the screen. 15 minutes will go by and not a word will be typed. Uninspired. Blank. Blah. Too busy to notice or feel anything significant. Or at least document it. Sure, I'm happy and in love and all that good stuff, but I've been too worried about the smallest things to appreciate today. No, I won't be able to write everyday and there will still be a few days in between some of my posts, but I will get back to my old self. The me that notices the smallest details of everyday. The joy, the sadness, the beauty, and the tragedy. Bring it on. I miss the way I used to look at things. It's time to be me again.
-------------

Tuesday is our first game of the season and it hit me the other day that everything will be over soon. Sometime in the next 4 months will be the last official basketball I will ever play. My last time to put on a Peaster basketball jersey, number 3. My last time to put on braces and shoes for a high school game. My last game with all the girls I've been playing with for years. My last game to play with my best friends, Sarah and Blair. My last basketball game. I never thought this year would come.
-------------

When someone has been a part of your life for so long, it becomes almost impossible to see yourself without them. They become an irremovable accessory to your life that makes you the person that you are. Your other half. They are the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning and the last thing you think about before you fall asleep at night. Then they're in your dreams. And then you wake up and they're still a part of your life. A dream come true every single day. Every decision you make involves them in some way.
And that's where it gets difficult.
When you have to make a decision that could change everything.
A decision that could put four hours in between you and the person that helps you live.
A decision that could throw the past three years of laughter, tears, and a beautiful life down the drain.
A decision that could change everything you had in mind for your future.
Future. Such high expectations for something that is, in no way, certain.
Are we crazy?
No, we're just in love.
And I guess that's kind of the same thing.
--------------

"The good times and the bad times both will pass. It will pass. It will get easier. But the fact that it will get easier does not mean that it doesn't hurt now. And when people try to minimize your pain they are doing you a disservice. And when you try to minimize your own pain you're doing yourself a disservice. Don't do that. The truth is that it hurts because it's real. It hurts because it mattered. And that's an important thing to acknowledge to yourself. But that doesn't mean that it won't end, that it won't get better. Because it will."

"Leave your fear of love behind,
let your dreaming be your guide..
If you seek, then you shall find."

Yes, I know it's been FOREVER. And I do apologize.. But everything just kind of happened at once and here I am 3 weeks later... ANYWAYS.

-----------

I have been accepted to UTA and Texas State University, and I have no idea where to go. I have made a list of the pros and cons of both places.. and they even in out in my book. Of course there are the obvious reasons why I would want to stay close to home and then there are some good reasons why I would go to Texas State. I mean, who wouldn't want to go to college in San Marcos? Decisions, Decisions..

Senior year is going by WAY too fast.. I just want to be in kindergarten again. I can sit here and talk about everything I would do differently and all the things that I would change, but I know that I'm here for a reason. It's hard to understand at times, but it's time to grow up and be somebody. It's time.

I hate it when I have so much to say but then I get in front of the computer and go blank.

Oh well, goodnight y'all.

"He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you."
-Bob Marley

Yeah, I know everyone has heard this quote a million times but he knew what he was talking about.

-
So I FINALLY took my SAT this past Saturday.. and it went well. For some reason, we didn't leave the school until SIX hours after we got there... Anyways, I'm just glad to be done with everything SAT related.. and now I just have to wait for my scores so I can apply for scholarships and all that jazz.

Also, in exciting news, it is officailly OCTOBER. Yes, my friends, the best month out of the whole year!! You could say that I'm a little too excited..

You & I.

Hey y'all. I know it's been a VERY long time.. And I'm sorry. I've just been VERY busy. But anyways, I'll try to talk about all the boringness that has happened between my last post and now..


-FIRST. I received my acceptance letter to UTA and the TSU honors program. I have no idea where I'll go at this point. There are pros and cons to both colleges and I'm still going to apply to TCU. AHHHHH. I hate growing up. I'll just stay in high school forever.

-This is the last week of the first six weeks. That means I'm already 1/6 of the way through with my senior year. This is going by WAY too fast.

-Every weekend of September, I've been devoting about 10 hours per weekend to preparing for the SAT. This Saturday, I'm actually taking the SAT and all of my hard work will either pay off or not..

-I felt like I had a lot to say, but I can't remember any of it...
OH WELL.

Song of the day: More Than A Memory by Garth Brooks
This song reminds me of a couple of years ago and makes me happy that I'm not in that place anymore.

"It's when you're dialing 6 numbers, just to hang up the phone.
Driving across town just to see if she's home.
Waking a friend in the dead of the night,
Just to hear him say its gonna be alright.
When you're finding things to do not fall asleep,
Cause Know she will be there in your dreams.
That's when she's more than a memory."

If I lost it.

Hey y'all, I know it's been awhile and I do apologize, I've just been busy.

So far, school is going good. I'm making good grades and while I may be tired all the time, I couldn't be more pleased.

We had a tournament this weekend in Brewer, and it was fun. In the first game, my shoulder took a pretty nice hit and for the first time ever, I had to get off of the court in the middle of a play. My shoulder has had problems for over a year now, but that was the first time I was actually worried about not being able to play during the season. It is still very sore, but everything will be okay, and I'll keep playing.

Today is mine and Brenton's "one year anniversary". I can probably guess what the majoirty of people that are reading this are thinking.. Half of the people think it's stupid to recognize these kind of times before marriage, and it probably really pisses those people off that I called it an anniversary.. But I really don't care. The other half of people are probably confused. I know, Brenton and I have been "together" for way longer than a year. It was just on this day that it became "official", whatever that means.. Anyways! Today is mine and Brenton's "one year anniversary" and we are still as strong as ever despite the people who wish we would fail and thanks to the people who love us.

SO. In honor of the love that Brenton and I share,
the song of the day is You Had Me From Hello by Kenny Chesney. I wouldn't say that this is by any means our favorite song or the song that I think fits us the best. But it does represent the way that from the very beginning, we knew we had to be in each other's lives. I don't believe in love at first sight but I do believe that sometimes you just know. And I knew that what we have is too great to lose.

"it was over from the start, you completely stole my heart, now you won't let go. I never even had a chance, you know? You had me from hello"

FYI. iPhone post. Excuse the errors.

Why YES, I am addicted to pinterest...
And YES, I was confused by how people could be addicted to it.. but now I know :)

Proof of my boredom.

Song of the day: Crazy Love by Michael Buble..
"I can hear her heartbeat, from a thousand miles. And the heavens open up, every time she smiles.."
LOVE.
-------
Anyways, I was super bored today so I did one of those surveys that everyone used to do on myspace..
Enjoy!



1. First thing you wash in the shower?
My face.

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
Uh.. Grey? I think.

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Yesss.

4.Do you plan outfits?
If I plan on planning my outfits, then yes. Generally, no.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Fabulous, as always.

6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red?
A candle.

7. Do you say aim or a-i-m?
I never say that...

8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
There was a sink and the water was running over. That's all I remember.

9. Did you meet anybody new today?
I did not.

10. What are you craving right now?
PF Changs.

11. Do you floss?
YES.

12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Cabbage.

13. When was the last time you talked on aim?
Never!

14. Are you emotional?
I guess you could say that....

15. Would you dance to the taco song?
.....

16. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
No. I was not born with that kind of determination.

17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Depends.
That's gross.

18. Do you like your hair?
I LOVE my hair. Thanks for asking.

19. Do you like yourself?
Most of the time.

20. Have you ever met a celebrity?
I am a celebrity.

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Never had it.

22. What are you listening to right now?
LADY GAGA. Love her.

23. How many countries have you visited?
None, unless you count the US.

24. Are your parents strict?
Yes.

25. Would you go sky diving?
Please.

26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
I guess?

27. Would you throw potatoes at him?
If he asked me to, I suppose.

28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in?
Yeah,

29. Have you ever been in a castle?
No.

30. Do you rent movies often?
Hardly ever.

31. Who sits in behind you in your math class?
John!

32. Have you made a prank phone call?
Probably when I was like... 9.

33. Do you own a gun?
My dad does. Does that count?

34. Can you count backwards from 74?
Yes?

35. Who are you going to be with tonight?
No one.

36. Brown or white eggs?
White..

37. Do you own something from Hot Topic?
Of course.

38. Ever been on a train?
That cute little one at the zoo.

39. Ever been in love?
Something like that.

40. Do you have a cell-phone?
I do, I do.

41. Are you too forgiving?
Some would say.

42. Do you use chap stick?
No, but I should.

43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow?
Going to school then I don't know what.

44. Can you use chop sticks?
Without looking stupid? No.

45. Ever have cream puffs?
Gross.

46. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
No.

47. What was the last question you asked?
I actually asked myself, "Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?"

48. What was the last CD you bought?
I can't even remember.

49. Boys or girls?
Well.. I'm a girl... and I like a boy.. that's a vague question...

50. What is your bus number for school?
Don't have oneeee.

51. Is your hair curly?
No.

52. Last time you cried?
It's been a little while. I cry a lot.

53. Ever walked into a wall?
More than once.

54. Do looks matter?
Honestly, yes.

55. Have you ever bought anything from Pac Sun?
I pretty much live there. That's sad.

56. Have you ever slapped someone?
Yeah. They deserved it.

57. Favorite time of the year?
FALL.

58. Favorite color?
Black. O.o

59. Are you sarcastic?
Some would say.

60. Do you have any tattoos?
I wish.

61. The last person you held hands with?
Brentonnn.

62. Do you sleep with the TV on?
I try not to. It just happens sometimes.

63. Where was your profile picture taken at?
Puerto Ricooooo.

64. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
Sadly, yes.

65. Do you like your life right now?
More like love.

66. How often do you talk on the phone?
Not very.

67. What is your favorite animal?
All of them! Except bugs..

68. What was the most recent thing you bought?
FOOD.

69. Do you have good vision?
I like to think so..

70. Can you hula hoop?
Kinda.

71. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
Yeah.. Sue me.

72. Do you have a job?
Being fabulous.

73. Can you handle the truth?
Honestly, no. But I hate being lied to.

74. What are you wearing?
Wouldn't you like to know...

75. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yeah. I locked my key in the house.


If you read all of this, then you are awesome, and you deserve an award.

Yes, I did cry when the VMA's paid tribute to Amy Winehouse. She had a beautiful voice and its heartbreaking to see the world lose talent like that.
So in honor of the lovely woman, today's song of the day is:

No Greater Love by Amy Winehouse

"There is no greater love,
Than what I feel for you.
No sweeter song, no heart so true.

There is no greater thrill,
Than what you bring to me.
No sweeter song,
Than what you sing, sing to me.

You're the sweetest thing,
I have ever known.
And to think that you are mine alone.

There is no greater love,
In all the world, it's true,
No greater love,
Than what I feel for you."

"We got a whole lot of money,
But we still pay rent.
'Cause you can't buy a house in heaven.
There's only three men that Imma serve
in my whole life,
it's my daddy and Nebraska and Jesus Christ."

Hey y'all, it's week two. Week two of my senior year. 35 weeks to go. I'm not counting down because I want it to be over, I'm counting down because I don't want it to be over. I love high school. I love being a kid and have such a minimal amount of responsibilities. These are some of the best moments of our lives and I'm not ready to see them end.

I'm in a very good mood, so I'm going to go through my day and tell you all the things about it.
-Whether I will ever admit it or not, I love waking up at 5:30 in the morning when it's still dark outside and being at the school to run before the sun is up.
-I love eating breakfast with Beth, Sarah, Rachel, and Taylor. My girls. They put me in a great mood and they get me ready to take on my day.
-I love having every class but one with my best friend, Sarah. She understands when I complain about school and all the people in our classes.
-I love stopping by my favorite teacher's room in between almost every single class period.
-I love calculus.
-I love the yearbook staff. There are only 4 of us and it is one of the best times of my day.
-I love having lunch with my two best friends.
-I love spending athletics with girls that love me as much as I love them. We have so much fun when we work out together. When I talk, I know they listen to every word because they love me and what I have to say. My teammates are my sisters and I'm going to miss them so much when I graduate.
-I love getting a phone call everyday at 5:03 PM.

I have a beautiful life, there aren't enough words to explain how blessed I am.

Song of the day: Thank You by Keith Urban

"And I've seen so many things,
That I just can't explain.
But the miracle of miracles is how,
With your love I was saved.

And I thank you for my heart,
I thank you for my life.
I thank god for grace and mercy,
And that you became my wife.
The day I started breathing,
Was the day you took my hand.
And 'til the day I die,
Baby,
I'll forever be your man.
And I thank you, I thank you."

Song of the day: Every Part of Me by Steve Earle
I grew up listening to Steve Earle, Springsteen, Mellencamp.. You get the point. Anyways, I decided to put all the lyrics on here because, well, they're beautiful.

I love you with all my heart
All my soul, every part of me.
It's all I can do to mark
Where you end and where I start you see.

-Living long in my travels left a trail of tears behind me
and then there are so many times
didn't think this kind
would ever find me.

I love you with everything, all my weakness
All my strength
I can't promise anything except that my last breath
will bear your name
and when I'm gone they'll sing a song
about a lonely fool wandering around the world and back again
but in the end they find the founder.

I love you with all my heart
all my soul and every part of me.

Across the universe I'll spin until the end and then I wonder
If we should get another chance
could I have that dance forever under
the moon and skylit stars shining down on where you are
and I love you with all my heart
all my soul and every part of me.

Song of the day: Born This Way by Lady GaGa
"I'm beautiful in my way,
'Cause God makes no mistakes.
I'm on the right track, baby,
I was born this way.

Don't hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you're set.
I'm on the right track, baby.
I was born this way."

I've loved this song ever since the first time I heard it. It makes me feel beautiful. Also, I was told several times today that I was pretty/beautiful and I had a t-shirt on and my hair in a ponytail. Thank you to everyone who gave me the reminder that I need daily. Anyways, today was a good day. One of those days where everything feels not necessarily perfect, but like everything is in order.

Goodnight y'all.

Storm Warning.

Hey y'all. Today was the first day of my senior year. It was good, but I can tell it's going to be a difficult year. Mainly because I don't want it to end and I will be devastated when it does.

-As most of you know, we have a new principal this year. And yes, she did make new rules. The main ones are:
1)When the tardy bell rings the door to every classroom will be locked and to get into the classroom, a student must go to the office and get a tardy slip.
2)If a student gets their phone taken up, their parent or guardian must go to the school and retrieve it.
3)No food during class.

I've heard people complaining all day and I have a really simple way to solve their problems!
Get to class before the bell rings(!) and don't have your phone out(!). Both of which the teachers have been telling us since we were old enough to have 7 classes a day and cell phones..

I know it's upsetting a lot of students and all I can say is that if you do what you're supposed to, it could be a good year. Your complaining and whining is going to make it worse for everyone, including yourself. Just do what you have to do and get it over with. There is no way around it.

On another note, the seniors found out today that we will be able to paint our parking spots this year! We're the first class to do so and I think it's really cool.

Song of the day: The Sound Of Sunshine by Michael Franti & Spearhead
"They say that miracles are never ceasing, and every single soul needs a little releasing."

"‎Do not allow people to dim your shine because they are blinded. Tell them to put on some sunglasses, 'cause we were born this way bitch!"
— Lady Gaga

Would you walk to the edge of the ocean,
Just to fill my jar with sand?
Just in case I get the notion,
To let it run through my hand.
Let it run through my hand..

Well, I don't want the whole world-
The sun, the moon, and all their light.
I just want to be the only girl,
You love all your life.
You love all your life.

Would you catch a couple thousand fireflies??
Yeah, put them in a lamp to light my world.
All dressed up in a tux and bowtie,
Hand deliver to a lonely girl.
To a lonely lonely girl.

Well, I don't want the whole world-
The sun, the moon, and all their light.
I just want to be the only girl ,
You love all your life.
You love all your life.

Lately I've been writing desperate love songs,
Mostly I sing them to the walls,
You could be the center piece of my obsession,
If you would notice me.

OHEYHERE'SMYSCHEDULE.

8:00AM-9:15AM: English 4 Dual Credit/Cockerel
NICE 15 MINUTE BREAK FOR NO REASON
9:30AM-10:20AM: Calculus/Bruno
10:25AM-11:15AM: Speech/Wood
11:20AM-12:10PM: Economics/Walker
12:10PM-12:40PM: LUNCH
12:45PM-1:35PM: Yearbook/Fincher
1:40PM-2:30PM: A&P/Young
2:35PM-3:25PM: Athletics


YAY FOR SENIOR YEAR NOT BEING A BLOW-OFF YEAR.

IpodShuffle

-Put your iPod on shuffle and put the 10 songs that come up.
Well just so you know, I'm going to put my recently played playlist on shuffle and write those 10 songs down!


1)Save by The Rocket Summer
-I used to listen to this song constantly and I even wanted part of the song tattooed on me (Save Me, Amaze Me). It's about going through the motions of life and never feeling anything, and begging to find someone that makes them feel alive.

2)Accidentally in Love by Counting Crows
-I don't remember the first time I heard this song, all I can remember is the music video with that really creepy rabbit. Anyways, this is one the songs I get ready to in the mornings because it puts me in such a good mood. It makes me want to sing at the top of my lungs.

3)The Good Left Undone by Rise Against
-LOVE this song. I love good lyrics and this song is made of beautiful words. I love listening to it, no matter what kind of mood I'm in.
"All because of you, I believe in angels. Not the kind with wings, no not the kind with halos. The kind that bring you home, when home becomes a strange place."

4)You and Tequila by Kenny Chesney (feat. Grace Potter)
-I've always been a HUGE fan of Kenny Chesney, and I have to say that this is one of my all-time favorites. When I first heard it, I received a completely different message than what was intended, but either way, it's beautiful.

5)The Truth by Jason Aldean
-Another song with great lyrics. I love Jason Aldean.

6)Hips Don't Lie by Shakira
-Hahahahaha. I absolutely LOVE this song, and I'm not afraid to admit it. It makes me want to dance, and not many songs have that affect on me. This song is another one that can always put me in a good mood.

7)Born This Way by Lady GaGa
-I know some people hate her, but I love Lady GaGa. She is seriously one of the most talented artists in the music industry. I may not always like how she uses her talent, but I have to give her that. I also like the fact that she promotes loving yourself for who you are and never listening to people who say you aren't good enough. She loves her fans and that's not something you find a lot of. I would see her live in a heartbeat.

8)Just By Being You by Steel Magnolia
-I'm a sucker for a love song, and this is one of my favorites. The words, the music, the singing, I love EVERYTHING about this song.

9)Loving County by Charlie Robison
-Ahhh. This man is the one of the only Texas Country artists I will listen to. I've seen him live 3 times and every single time it's been amazing.

10)Marry Me by Train
-Hands down, one of the best songs... Ever. There is rarely a time I get in my car without listening to this song. This song will be played at my wedding.

-Discuss your first love and first kiss.
Well.. I feel like all of my posts are about this, but I guess I'll just write about it again!
I guess I'll make a timeline, or something like that.

January, 2009
-Freshman year, I was weird and awkward and had absolutely no self confidence. I played basketball and that was probably the only way that Brenton Lee knew who I was. He was one of those guys that was always being talked about and to be totally honest, I had no interest what-so-ever in getting to know him. Well, as fate would have it, through one of my friends, we communicated for the first time on January 17Th. That night, he called me and we stayed on the phone for 5 hours. Every single night ended with a phone call that lasted until about 2 in the morning and every single morning began with a "good morning beautiful" text. Needless to say, I was in for way more than I bargained for.

February, 2009
-February 6Th, to be exact. After talking to each other for almost a month, we finally had a conversation, face to face. It was homecoming day and he picked me up from the school dance and took me home. He met my parents and all that jazz and of course, I got my first kiss. He had told me that he was going to and I didn't believe him. I knew that when he met me he would run away after discovering how awkward I was, but he didn't. My head was in the clouds.

April, 2009
-Somewhere between February and April, I fell in love. Yeah, I know what you're thinking and just shut up(!), I loved him then and I still do. Of course with most first loves comes a first heartbreak and mine came on April 17, but whatever. He changed his mind momentarily and I can't hold that against him.

August, 2009>-Brenton finally realized where he wanted to be and knowing me, I was waiting for him when he came back for me. I don't give up easily, and I couldn't be happier that I didn't give up on him.

September, 2010
-We waited awhile to start dating, because as most of you know, there is a slight age difference.. But I know that deep down, that doesn't matter. Labels are nothing compared to the fact that I get to be with the person that I love most.

August, 2011
-It's almost been a year and things are as good as ever. I love everything about our relationship and even though it was a rough road, I wouldn't change a single thing.

<3

Day 7(?) I skipped a few.

-Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
So a few months ago, everyone started freaking out cause they added a new sign or whatever, well I was actually that new sign. But I'm going with what I was born as- Sagittarius.

So I searched Sagittarius and this is what I found-
I will bold the things I think apply to me and italicize the things that don't apply to me.


Ruled by the benefic planet Jupiter, Sagittarians possess a natural exuberance, sense of adventure and love of life that makes them one of the most optimistic zodiac signs of all. Like their astrological symbol - the Archer - Sagittarians are renowned for aiming their sights towards whatever it is they find alluring - a love partner, dream job, vacation - and making it their own. They believe that anything is possible - and because of this belief system, Sagittarians are adept at seeking out their very own pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

But sometimes trying to tie down these free-spirited individuals is frustrating for those around them. Sagittarians are happiest on the move - exploring new cultures and ideas and many are attracted to occupations related to travel, the media, outdoor work and philosophical pursuits. In love, their catch-cry is "don't fence me in". But once they find a partner who understands their need to retain their own sense of self and identity, Sagittarians can be the most big-hearted, generous and fun-loving companions of all.

Freedom loving, optimistic and honest, Sagittarians are ruled by Jupiter, the planet of abundance and higher learning. The wisdom of Jupiter imbibes Sagittarians with an inherent need to develop their own unique philosophy of life. The Centaur is their astrological symbol, and it gives many insights into the Sagittarian personality. The higher-evolved Sagittarian learns to integrate the two ends of the Centaur (half-human, half-beast) in order for their arrow (another Sagittarian symbol) of higher aspirations to be more on the mark. Although they are intellectually and spiritually advanced, Sagittarians are notorious for their lack of tact. In relationships they demand independence, but when in love, it can't be denied that they are one of the most big-hearted signs of the zodiac.


So as far as this description goes, I will say that my zodiac sign fits me.

30 interesting facts

Day whatever-day-I'm-on - 30 interesting facts about myself.
Okay, here we go.

1- I'm very proudly from Texas. I may not want to stay here for my whole entire life, but I couldn't have picked a better state to grow up in. I love telling people from other states that I'm from here.

2- One of my favorite things to do is get dressed up for date night. I love taking a bath, fixing my hair, doing my makeup, and putting on a dress. I love feeling beautiful and I always do when I walk in somewhere fixed to Brenton's arm.

3- I am terrified of growing up. Most people my age are craving freedom. I'm in a full sprint away from it. Sure, I'll accept the challenge with a considerable amount of confidence, but I'll be freaking out inside. I think my biggest problem is that I'm afraid of failure. I don't want to be a complete loser in adulthood.

4- I'm a firecracker, and not in the Katy Perry, you're so special kinda way. I'm always ready to burst at the smallest things. I have a short fuse and I get aggravated way too easily.

5- I don't eat brown m&m's. They taste funny and when I eat m&m's, I'm eating for the purpose that they are pieces of colored chocolate. A brown m&m is not colored chocolate.. it's just chocolate.

6- I love to drive. Sure, no one loves rush hour. But when it's just me and the road, I'm at peace.

7- My family is very important to me. We spend a lot of time together and we are very close. We go through a lot for each other and I hope we don't lose what we have as I grow up.

8- I ask a lot of questions... about everything. If I don't understand something, I usually always ask. Ask anyone I'm close to, I never stop asking questions. I want
to know everything. However, if it's a question that will never be answered, it scares me.

9- I love to sleep on the floor. Bedroom floor, bathroom floor, etc. To me, it's one of the most comfortable places to be. Strangely enough, I hate firm beds. My beds have to be super soft.

10- I'm in a constant battle with jealousy. I know it's because I'm insecure, and I try
to work on it everyday. Every girl I see is prettier, smarter, and just all around better than me.

11- I have a very, uhm... perverted(?) sense of humor. I know it's immature and looked down upon my most females, but hey, I grew up in a family of men and my best friend is a guy. So get over it.

12- I don't take compliments well. If someone tells me something nice to my face, I get very very embarrassed.

13- My dream is to grow up and be a bartender. Look down upon me all you want, it's what I want to do.

14- I want quite a few tattoos. Some of them include a giraffe going up my torso, a tree on my side, "love yourself" on my ribs, and many others.

15- I'm naturally blond, but I am constantly going back and forth between blond and brunette. I usually change my hair with the weather, but this time I'm going to try to keep it blond for awhile. We'll see how it goes.

16- I am very insecure about my teeth, and I don't like how I look when I smile with them showing. I've spent the last two years getting them as white as possible without spending $700.

17- Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day. I could have scrambled eggs, hashbrowns, sausage, and toast any time of the day. Breakfast food is comforting to me.

18- I love math. Like, seriously.

19- I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world. He's not perfect, but he's perfect for me. I believe every relationship should be based off of friendship, and ours is. He was my best friend for about a year and a half before we started dating and it's only made our relationship stronger. We can be totally stupid together and serious when we need to be. We disagree sometimes but our arguments never last long. It's pretty awesome.

20- Before I started playing basketball, I was dead set on the dream of growing up to be a "country western singer". Singing was my first love and a part of me wishes that I would have never given it up.

21- Basketball is what I love to do. Sure, it brings a lot of unnecessary baggage, but at the end of the day, there's not another sport or activity I would rather be doing.

22- When I walk into a restaurant with Brenton, I don't like being the first one to walk into the building. However, if I'm with girls, I'm usually always the first one to walk in.

23- When I'm eating at a restaurant, I like to face the crowd. I love to people watch
and I get bored when I have to stare at the wall the whole time.

24- I'm not a big movie person. When I go to a theater, I get restless and I get mad when I have to pee in the middle of it. I'd much rather watch a movie at home where I can pause it whenever I need to.

25- I'm the person that will stop traffic to get a turtle across the road. I love animals.

26- my TV is always on TLC. If its not on that, it's probably on America's next top model re-runs. I'm such a girl.

27- to me, there is a reason for everything. Kind of how I'm always curious, I'm obsessed with finding out why things are the way they are.

28- I love food. I love trying new things and going out to eat. I know it gets expensive and it's not always the healthiest choice, but hey, it's worth it.

29- I am easily affected by the people around me. My feelings get hurt easily and it's way too easy to get me mad. My biggest problem is that I hold it all in and let it out on a person that doesn't deserve it.

30- I'm terrible at coming up with 30 interesting things to say about myself. It took me over a week to come up with these lame facts. I am terribly sorry to all of you that have been patiently waiting for me.

Day 3

Day 3 (blog challenge)- Your views on drugs and alcohol. Oh, fabulous.
Personally, I don't have any desire to get wasted on the weekend and do stupid things in front of a ton of people and then wake up in the morning and regret everything that happened. Thanks, but no thanks. I don't have a problem with adults drinking. But when minors drink illegally, I have a problem with it. Seriously? Just wait until you turn 21. Trust me, you'll survive. When it comes to drugs and alcohol I just have one motto- Don't be stupid. And the sad thing is, most kids are. I don't care if you think I'm boring or whatever, because I have more important things to worry about.
------------------
Day 3 (letter challenge)- Your sibling or closest relative.
So my Brother.

Bubba,
On the outside, there's never any question that we are brother and sister. I wish we could have been closer while I was growing up, but hey, no point in feeling bad. You're my brother and I love you so much and you know I'll always be here for you.
----------------
Do you think it's possible to love (really, truly love) more than one person in your lifetime?
I know a lot of people have different opinions, and I want to know them. Please, help me out.

When you constantly hear that you're worthless and lazy and idiotic and bitchy and selfish and below average and just never good enough... you start to believe it.

Day 2

Hey y'all, it's day 2 here, and I'm feeling very impatient today, so lets get this going.
--------------
Day 2 (blog challenge)- Where you'd like to be in ten years.
Well being 17 now, that will put me at 27. I honestly see myself still living in Texas at this point and possibly being married and possibly having a kid or two. I really hate this question, so I'm just going to explain to you my dream life that I know will probably never happen..
I'm a brunette 27 year old with 7 tattoos and 6 piercings. I work out 3 days a week and I still have my high school body (ha). I have a degree in something like mathematics or biology but that doesn't matter because I spend 12 hours of my day at the bar that I own. I have an amazing husband that makes his living as a CRNA. We have 4 dogs, 3 cats, a snake, and an aquarium. No kids yet, but soon. Our house is 20 minutes away from the nearest city and we live near a lake. We have a vintage refrigerator in our kitchen, with pots and pans hanging from the ceiling because my husband likes to cook me dinner all the time. We have a pool, hot tub, and 3 car garage that holds my Lincoln, his motorcycle, and his truck. Music is always playing in the background, even when we're asleep. Oh, and we're pretty darn happy :)
Sounds perfect to me.
-----------------
Day 2 (letter challenge)- A letter to your crush.
Well I don't really have a crush... So I guess I'm writing this to my boyfriend.

Brenton,
How you make me feel cannot be put into words. I love with everything I am and that's all that anybody else needs to know. You know how I feel about you, so I won't write about it on here.

:)

So I found the coolest thing today! I found a 30 day letter challenge. So everyday you write a letter to a different person. I will be doing two different things everyday- something from the 30 day blog challenge and something from the 30 day letter challenge. And since I started the blog challenge yesterday, I'm going to do day 1 of the letter challenge and then tomorrow I'll start doing both.
Here we go!
-------
Day 1 (letter challenge)- A letter to your best friend.
Now, I have 3 best friends. But I will only write about 2 of them since the third one will probably come up later.

Sarah,
We have not been close for that long, probably about freshman year, but we fit very well together. You are a beautiful person, inside and out, and I can talk to you about anything. You always listen to my pointless chatter and you always know what to say. You're quiet around most people but we both know that you never shut up, and that's why I love you. I could go on for awhile, but I'll stop now :)

Blair,
For years, people have been getting us confused. But in reality, we couldn't be further apart on the personality spectrum. You're exactly what I'm missing and vice versa. You're absolutely crazy and a little dumb at times, but it's why I love you :) You and Sarah keep me sane, and I love you guys for it.

Day 1

Okay, so I know I started a 50 day photo challenge, and it didn't turn out well.. Partly because all of my pictures would be of the same 5 people-Brenton, Sarah, Blair, Mom, and Dad. So one of my dear friends (Paige) found a 30 day BLOG challenge that I will hopefully be better at keeping up :)
----------------
Day 1-Discuss your current relationship status and how it is.

As most of you know, I am in a relationship with the one and only Brenton Lee. And I guess this is the part where I tell you how everything is perfect and beautiful and always has been. Yeah, well life is never easy, and like most relationships, it took a little while for everything to fall into the perfection that we have now. I met Brenton when I was a freshman and he was a senior. Yeah, Yeah, I know. We started out as two people with a ridiculous amount of stuff in common and a noticeable age difference. Best Friends- that's what we were. Of course, being the typical girl that I was, I "fell" for my best friend. And him, being the typical guy that he was, was not interested at all in a relationship. After about three months of being friends he got into a relationship that never mattered and after that was over, we both realized where we belong. A part of me knew all along that we belonged together, but I respected the fact that he was in a relationship because I knew that whatever happened could only be guaranteed by doing the right thing. Our past is a large part of us, mainly because that's when we found each other, but we don't dwell on it.
I know I sound like every other girls when I sit here and talk about how awesome our relationship is, but hey, what can I say? It is awesome. We fit together in a way that most people dream about. We've found what most people spend their lives looking for. Call me crazy, but this is how I view our relationship.



It wasn't easy, but we got to where we needed to be.



"When you wake up, I'll be the first thing you see. And when it gets dark, you can reach out for me. I'll cherish your words and I'll finish your thoughts. And I'll be your compass baby, when you get lost."

Hey y'all.
I know, once again, that it has been awhile. So here we go.

-I'm looking at colleges everyday. Everyday it gets easier to accept that in about a year, I will be getting ready to go off to some new place and walk into a new world. I've taken my SAT twice, and I plan on taking it one more time to see if I can get to where I want to be. Sarah and I are planning on visiting a few colleges over the summer like UTA, Tarleton, and TCU. While my family is on vacation, Brenton and I might drive up to Texas State and check it out. So much stuff is happening right now that are going to majorly affect my in the future, and surprisingly, I'm more excited than nervous.

-Watching Toddlers and Tiaras makes me not want to have kids.... ever.

"I do remember,
The swing of your step,
The life of the party, you're showing off again.
And I roll my eyes and then,
You pull me in.
I'm not much for dancing,
But for you I did.

Because I love your handshake, meeting my father.
I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets.
How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something,
There's not a day when I don't miss those rude interruptions."

-I'm not a fan of Taylor Swift, but this song is pretty and sad. And I like pretty and sad songs.

-I just need to know that I make you happy. I'm a bitter, negative person and while I'm not proud of those traits, I know they affect you. I try my best to get rid of all the stupid feelings I have about everything else when I'm with you, because I know they don't matter.

-I'm so ready for school to start. And it's not necessarily because I hate summer, I just love school. I love getting up every morning and seeing the same people and getting homework and laughing and crying and getting in fights and just being happy. School is a constant and it's a safe place for me. I'm going to miss it.






-Fourth of July weekend was nice. 3 days spent with the most beautiful family in the world and the best boyfriend in the world. Such a lovely life.

Playing God.

"Call me crazy, I've been called worse.
It's like I have it all, but what's it all worth?"



Hey guys.
It's been awhile and I do apologize, but even though it's summer and you would THINK I have all this free time, I do not.

-Summer is about one third of the way over and I can honestly say, I wish it would hurry up and be over. However, I am not ready to be out of high school. If I could, I would remain a senior forever. My dad has had me looking at colleges every single day, and it scares me. I sort of have a direction that I want to go in life, but when it comes down to it, I really don't have a clue. Growing up has scared me ever since I was little, but now, it's a reality.

-I'm trying to help you, please let me. I've seen you give up everything and now I'm seeing you start to doubt your decision. It's okay to admit that maybe you messed up, and you want to fix things. There is nothing wrong with you wanting to change the way your life is going. Even if you keep your wall up, I'll do everything I can to knock it down.

-I'm done caring. I tried to talk to you, and you shut me out. The fact that you think what you're involved in is right, is your problem now, it's too exhausting trying to wake you up.

-I know I'm not perfect. I know that more than anyone. But you never miss a chance to remind me. I live with a fear that I'm going to mess something up, and it's not fair. To constantly have to worry about everything I say and every move I make is slowly wearing me out. My biggest problem is that I can't seem to be numb to things that happen. Most people, at this point, would turn into a huge wall that everything thrown their way just bounces off of. However, every time you say something, it hurts that much more. I never retaliate, because I know you won't listen. Nothing I say matters. Never has, never will.

-I wonder if you ever think about us and how we're doing.

Hey y'all.
The worst part about summer is never really having anything to write about, because nothing ever happens.

Summer love.

"There was a girl who loved me, her eyes aquamarine. I used to dream I'd swim in them, the sea of blue and green. She didn't care about my past, or the trouble I had seen. But in the end she walked away, one lonely, desperate day summer day. There was nothing more for her to say, once she knew I had betrayed her with my pitiful disguise-there were just too many lies. Too much deceit had come between me and the girl who loved me, when I was seventeen."

---

Hey y'all!
I actually got to sleep in this morning, which was fabulous.
I figured I would take this opportunity to actually write something.

---

One night in Puerto Rico, I learned a lot about how differently people handle relationships. I guess I'll just make a list of the encounters I had with one particular couple and how many different things I learned about them, and a majority of other young relationships.

1) I've always been a loner. I've never had a large circle of close friends and outside of school, I've never hung out with that many people. I have two best friends and we can go a month without seeing each other, and still be perfectly comfortable with calling each other best friends. We are secure enough in our friendship to understand that sometimes our conversations are limited to only texting and facebook, because we don't always have time to be attached at the hips. Now, I'm in a fabulous relationship with a wonderful guy. However, my relationship does not get in the way of my friendships with my girls. He works 5 days a week and my girls understand that my weekends are usually spent with him. Our friendship is not harmed because we are so close. I believe that when people are in relationships, they should maintain the ties that they have with their friends. When people don't do this, I confront them and they usually don't take that well... Oops.

2) I'm a very independent person. I'm strong and I'm usually very good at defending myself. My boyfriend is protective, but he never steps in if it's not necessary. For example, if a girl decides to confront me about the way I've acted towards her, and she does it in a very nice manner, then my boyfriend sees absolutely no reason to step in. However, when a male that doesn't even know me, decides to call me bad names and my friends bad names, my boyfriend will do what he has to do in order to get the point across that I'm not the person to mess with. In my opinion, there should always be a line. A line dividing where a boyfriend/girlfriend steps in and where they don't. However, I guess some couples don't acknowledge this line..

3) Now this is just going to be a rant.. And I will apologize in advance. You have been dating for not even three months (?) and you already call them your everything, your world, etc. Uhm, hello? I know, I hope, you're smarter than that.. From what I've heard, your relationship is not healthy, and when I tried to be a good friend and talk to you about it, you shut me out and got defensive. I know you know who you are. Please, turn your brain on.

That is all... for now.

Puerto Rico, 2011

Just a few of my favorite pictures from the trip :)

Take Me There

"A mermaid found a swimming lad, picked him for her own. Pressed her body to his body, laughed. And plunging down, forgot in cruel happiness, that even lovers drown."

"I thought mermaids were supposed to save men.

"They are," I told her. "But sometimes a guy doesn't mind drowning."

---

Hey guys!
I know it's been awhile, but I haven't been near a computer... or Texas. I've spent the last 6 days in Puerto Rico! It was so much fun! But it's super late, and I'll fill you in on another day.


:)

Oh, these times are hard. Yeah, they're making us crazy. Don't give up on me baby.

Hey guys. It's definitely summer out here and this past week all my time has been consumed by studying for the SAT. Lame? Yeah. Well now that is over with, maybe I can have some fun. I'm leaving tomorrow morning very early to get on a plane that will eventually get me to Puerto Rico!
----

Is it possible to love and hate someone at the same time? I've always thought that there was not enough room in our little hearts to handle such intense emotions for one person. However, there's always someone out there that can prove me wrong. But after thinking about it, I'm realizing that there is no way I could hate this person. I hate the things they say and the things they do, but I don't see how it's possible for me to ever hate them as a person. I do love them, and I guess that will have to be enough.
----

I know we can make it. After all we've been through, how could we not? You're growing up, and so am I. Up doesn't mean apart. I've been fighting for this for so long now, I'm not giving up anytime soon. What we have is too good to let go of.
----

I'll be back in a week to tell you all about Puerto Rico!

Listen to me.

Letters to not-so-random people.
I have to do this because I don't have the guts to say things to people's faces. I know that may surprise some of you. But there you have it, I'm a coward.

-As bad as it sounds, I've gotten used to you not being around. I don't like it. In fact, I hate it. But what can I possibly do? It's almost like it's normal to me now, and that's not something I'm proud of. I miss you more than anything, and I'll just have to live with that.

-Yeah, I hate summer. And I used to think it was for a certain reason. But I now I know that it's because of you. Seriously? All I want to do is sleep and be a normal kid and be lazy for the first summer EVER. But you will you let that happen? Of course not. Heaven forbid I have a good time every once in awhile. I decided to not play basketball this summer because of all the time that it takes. And even though you were completely against the idea, I thought you accepted it. Obviously, I was wrong.

-You are the only person that is allowed to feel anything. You're allowed to be upset, angry, happy, selfish, and whatever else. BUT if anyone else shows emotion, they get taken down. I try to communicate with you, but most of the time, you don't let me.

-I hurt, and I don't know why.

-If you happen to be reading this, go away. I'm not sorry.
--------------------

It's going to be a long summer.
I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of waking up and getting out of bed. I'm tired of picking up the phone. I'm tired of being here, with nowhere else to go. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of being. Also, I am tired of being pessimistic. But I don't see that changing anytime soon.

--------------
The screen door slams
Mary' dress waves
Like a vision she dances across the porch
As the radio plays
Roy Orbison singing for the lonely
Hey that's me and I want you only
Don't turn me home again
I just can't face myself alone again
Don't run back inside
Darling you know just what I'm here for
So you're scared and you're thinking
That maybe we ain't that young anymore
Show a little faith there's magic in the night
You ain't a beauty but hey you're alright
Oh and that's alright with me

You can hide 'neath your covers
And study your pain
Make crosses from your lovers
Throw roses in the rain
Waste your summer praying in vain
For a saviour to rise from these streets
Well now I'm no hero
That's understood
All the redemption I can offer girl
Is beneath this dirty hood
With a chance to make it good somehow
Hey what else can we do now?
Except roll down the window
And let the wind blow
Back your hair
Well the night's busting open
These two lanes will take us anywhere
We got one last chance to make it real
To trade in these wings on some wheels
Climb in back
Heaven's waiting on down the tracks
Oh-oh come take my hand
We're riding out tonight to case the promised land
Oh-oh Thunder Road oh Thunder Road
Lying out there like a killer in the sun
Hey I know it's late we can make it if we run
Oh Thunder Road sit tight take hold
Thunder Road

Well I got this guitar
And I learned how to make it talk
And my car's out back
If you're ready to take that long walk
From your front porch to my front seat
The door's open but the ride it ain't free
And I know you're lonely
For words that I ain't spoken
But tonight we'll be free
All the promises'll be broken
There were ghosts in the eyes
Of all the boys you sent away
They haunt this dusty beach road
In the skeleton frames of burned out Chevrolets
They scream your name at night in the street
Your graduation gown lies in rags at their feet
And in the lonely cool before dawn
You hear their engines roaring on
But when you get to the porch they're gone
On the wind so Mary climb in
It's town full of losers
And I'm pulling out of here to win

I remind myself of everything I've/We've been through because everytime I think about it, my heart sinks a little less than the time before. It probably sounds totally ridiculous to all of you, but I don't really expect you to understand.

My life is beautiful, I'm just having a hard time seeing it that way.

What do you do when you have the world in your hands, but you have no idea what to do with it?

School is over and summer has begun. I want something to occupy myself instead of having all this free time to think. Thinking=Dangerous.
Maybe get a job? Who knows.

Oh, and my hair is blonde and I'm tanning again. I feel like such a girl..

I'll be fine.

OH, hey guys.
I know it's been a few days since you've seen a legit post from me, and I'm not really sorry, to be honest. I haven't been deliberately neglecting my faithful readers, I've just been busy. However, there are only two more full days of school, and after these two terrible days are over, I will be more consistent with my posting... Hopefully.

Anyways, here goes the useless nonsense.
I have many pet peeves and I will inform you of them in the most polite way possible....

First- High school relationships. In my opinion, relationships at any stage of life should be taken very seriously and should be respected. Do I think that you should completely alter who you are as a person and revolve your WHOLE entire life around a person? No. But I do think that if you are going to make a commitment to someone and say "Here''s my heart, please don't break it", then you should be prepared to treat that person and y'all's relationship like it actually means something. "Breaking up" with your boyfriend/girlfriend, bashing (verbally AND electronically) them, then getting back together with them within 48 hours is just downright ridiculous. Now I know that this scenario applies to about 90% of the girls in my high school, and I hope they realize how dumb they're being.

Second- Friendship (girls). My best friends, and yes I mean that they are always my best friends, not just on the days that they don't piss me off, mean the world to me. Even though we don't always agree on everything and we get in dumb little arguments, nothing changes the fact that I will do anything in the world for them and vice-versa. So when girls in high school change their best friends as often as they change their clothes, I worry. Yes, I know she made you mad, but she also made you mad two days ago, and the day before that, AND the day before that. And in the matter of 4-5 days you have managed to delete this person off of facebook 23 times, call them a bitch behind their back 34 times, and rolled your eyes when they have spoken a grand total of 43 times. Sounds like a freaking fabulous friendship to me. Will somebody please let me know how I can find a friend that will do all the wonderful things for me? I mean, REALLY? Grow up and realize that you either want her as a friend or not. This also applies to 90% of girls in my school...

Third- Who am I kidding? I could go on for hours.

I hope you enjoyed my ranting as much as I did.
Until next time...

Short and sweet.

3 more days.
Maybe then, things will turn around.
Without school, we don't have anything to argue about.

High school relationships suck.
One day you love them, the next day you hate them. It must be so nice to have emotions at your disposal.
Get real people.

OhHeyHiHelloSup?

Hello there friends!
It's been awhile.. And some of you have become impatient (April..).
But I'm back! and I actually have a lot to say, so here goes.

I'm going to start by writing my random letters to random people. Some people are in here more than once and some of you losers aren't in here at all.

-I did what I told you I would do, and I didn't mind doing it. Please understand that I have nothing to hide, and don't ask for confirmation.

-I don't know what's been up with you lately, but it worries me. I want you to be happy and I want you to make the right choices, but I'm afraid I can't compromise one for the other. If me talking to you about making good decisions is making you unhappy, I'll stop. Just let me know.

-You knew it would happen, I don't know why you're surprised.

-Everything about you is beautiful and I hate that we don't talk very much. You are one of the easiest people in the world to talk to and if it was possible, I would talk to you all day.

-I respect the fact that you are protective and a little bit jealous. But please understand that I have never tried to take her away from you. Y'all
have one of the few relationships in high school that I respect, and I don't want to get in the way. You're a great guy, and I don't think you meant to hurt my feelings, but I just want you to know that I love you two together and I would never try to ruin it.

-As much as I don't like admiting it, you're one of my best friends. And it's not that I'm ashamed, I just don't want you gettting the satisfaction of seeing my soft heart. Haha. I'm sad that you're leaving me at the end of this year, I really don't know
how I'm going to get through the school day without you. You're a good guy, and while we don't always get along, I love our friendship.

-Everyday is something different with you. That's just the kind of person you are. But lately, I've noticed a difference. You seem happier and just all around nicer. You still have your moments, but I think I can handle that. 

-I miss you more than you'll ever know.

-There are so many things I want to say about you right now, but it's definitely not worth the drama that would come out of it. 

-I do what I do because it's what I want to do. Don't question it. 

-I love you. Don't ever forget that. 

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I know I'm not doing that picture thing anymore, which is just more proof that o suck at life. But whatever. Maybe one day, I'll start it up again

Goodnight y'all.

Have a twitter?
Follow me @ShilohJenkins
:) have a good weekend!

HEY.

YES. I realize that I have been slacking on my writing duties.. your point?
I've been very busy and I actually have stuff to be doing right now, but I've decided I owe you faithful readers something to read.
I also realize that I have not been keeping up with my photo challenge, and I apologize, but bear with me people!

Day 5-
A picture that makes you smile.


Now, I have a TON of pictures that make me smile/laugh. But I just picked this one because every time I'm with these two ladies, I have the best time. The beautiful woman on the left is my mother, who is one of the strongest people I know and I admire everything about her, even though she is not perfect. The beautiful woman on the right is my aunt, who inspires me everyday to be the best person I can be. She knows exactly who she is and to me, that's all a person can ever really ask for. These two women are the women that I look up to on a daily basis, and they never let me down.
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OKAY.
This has been a very busy week, to say the least.
We've played 5 games of basketball in 48 hours... Gotta love it.
Part one of our last dual credit history exam was today.. Thank the Lord.
Today was practically Friday, cause tomorrow is six flags!... Yay.

-It seems like everything has become more difficult lately.. From getting out of bed to picking up a basketball. I've been very tired lately and I don't really know what to do about it. I'm getting the same amount of sleep I've been getting all year, and this isn't even the most stress I've been under this year.. and I'm the most exhausted I've ever been. I guess it doesn't help that it's SO close to the end of the year.. I'm just ready for summer, for the first time ever.
22 days until the last day, then I'm a senior. Eep.

-I guess some people are always changing and some people never do. I can't decide which one I prefer..

-This weekend will be full of homework. Then Monday is the academic banquet.. What in the world could I possibly get an award for? Oh well, Brenton's going to suffer with me through what is famous for being the most boring night of the school year. Love that guy.

-Some people I will never understand. Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever EVER.

-While I might complain a lot, life is good. I constantly have to remind myself how blessed I am.


Goodnight y'all!

"For the first time, I can't seem to get over the fact that you're not here."

Hey y'all, I know its late, my apologies. 
And I'm also sorry that I don't have a picture tonight. I'm actually typing this from my phone, so bear with me on the grammatical errors. 

Day 4-
A picture of the person you've had the best memories with. 

Okay, there is not one person I could choose for this. There are so many people that i have memories with. So I'm going to go through a list, based on the time in my life I was close to the person. 

Peyton- you were my first best friend. To say we were inseparable would be an understatement. We had so much fun together. From staying up late and watching movies to going to six flags over and over and over again. You were a huge part of my childhood. 

Hannah- for about a year, we use to go to Jorge's every single Friday night. Then I would go spend the night at your house because you were to scared to spend the night at mine. Haha. 

Haley- we are so different, but we balanced each other well. We became so close at one point. I'll never forget how close we were and how much you trusted me. You called me one time crying because of some jerk, and I want you to know that I'm still her for you. 

Rachel- holy crap, I love you. Haha. Everything about you is so weird and odd and I can't imagine my life without you. We've been through a lot of bad times, but we've ended up in an amazing relationship. 

Taylor- you are the sweetest person on the planet, and we don't have many memories yet, but I know we will soon. 

Blair- every time I'm with you I have a blast. You are so much fun to be around, I just love you. 

Sarah- you and Blair brought something back into my life that I was missing for while. And I could never thank you enough. I mean, who else could handle me they way I am at school? Thanks for putting up with my crazy self. 

Brenton- as weird as it sounds, I can remember almost every single thing we've been through. Even down to all the little, unimportant things. Every day is a new memory with you. There is nothing I enjoy more than spending time with you. 

The entire Jenkins family- the people that developed me into the person I am today. My life is bits and pieces of the memories we've shared. I love you all more than anything. 

There are so many people that I have amazing memories with. I don't have enough to time in the world to list them all. 

Goodnight. 

Lost myself in search of you.

"Do you know," he said softly, "what it's like to love someone so much, that you can't see yourself without picturing them? Or what it's like to touch someone, and feel like you've come home? What we had wasn't about being able to show off what you've got, the way it was for other kids our age. We were, well, meant to be together. Some people spend their whole lives looking for that one person," he said. "I was lucky enough to have her all along."
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Okay, so today is supposed to be a picture of the cast from my favorite tv show.. But I honestly thought that was rather lame. So I skipped that day..
If anyone is curious, my favorite show is a tie between Cake Boss and Say Yes to the Dress, exciting.

Day 3-
A picture of your favorite memory.



This is my family, Brenton, and me on vacation in New Braunfels. This was the first time that Brenton spent a long period of time with my family and it was awesome. The trip was so fun, I can't wait to go again this August.
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Tomorrow is the math Taks. This will be the last math taks that I take EVER. Unless I fail..
Then Thursday is Science, and Friday is History.
Bleck.

Boring, I know.
But I'll write more later.

Sunshine.

Day 2-
A picture of you and someone that you've been close to for awhile.
(I couldn't just choose one.)







Okay, so obviously I have two pictures here. Both of which I'm sure come as no surprise to you.

The first one is Blair, Sarah, and me. While we haven't been friends for more than a few years, I consider them my best friends. They walked into my life when all my other friends decided they wanted to leave. I'm a loner, and when high school came around, I went into a shell, and I was happy that way. But when I became friends with Sarah, she became one of the most important people in my life. She was easy to talk to and we understand each other very well. Now Blair and I have been friends for a long time, but we've never been as close as we are now. I can trust her with anything and she always knows how to make me smile. Both of these girls are my rays of sunshine and I can honestly say that I would be lost without them.

And of course, the second picture is of Brenton and me. There are so many things I could say about this guy, but I'll try to keep it short. From the very beginning, there was a connection, and it was a strong one. I was a freshman and he was a senior and neither of us had any idea where we were headed. Even though things weren't always perfect, we've found the place where we belong- with each other. He is my best friend and he is the person I go to when everything seems to be falling apart. We balance each other perfectly and when I'm with him, I'm home. He is my rock, my world, my everything. I know I'm only 17, and you probably think it's dumb to be so young and so in love, but no matter what you think, we know who we are and what we have.

Photo Challenge?

Okay, so many of you have probably noticed people on facebook doing the 30 day photo challenge, right? Well I've found a 100 day face book challenge.. and instead of posting it on facebook, I'm going to post them on here. I don't think I'll get through all 100, because towards the end, they just got dumb.
I've also decided to do this here so that I can be more descriptive, because I know that if you read this, you must care about my thoughts.
So here we go!

Day 1-
A picture of yourself with 15 facts.


1- I am Shiloh Jenkins, duh.

2- I am junior at the school I've been going to my whole life. This is one thing I appreciate about the location of my life, I've been going to school with the same 50-60 kids my whole life. I feel safe at school, because I grew up with the kids I'm surrounded by.

3- My family is very important to me. We go through a lot of stuff for each other, but at the end of the day, we love each other like crazy.

4- I'm an only child, and I love it. When I was younger, I used to always want a sibling, but as I've grown up, I realize that being an only child has made me independent and strong. However, it has it's downsides too. I've never been good at opening up to people. I'm not socially awkward, but I am very kept to myself. I love to be alone.

5- I feel the love of God on a regular basis, even though I rarely go to church. I'm not very loud about my relationship with God, and I don't really know why. I believe that God understands why I am the way I am, even when I don't. I believe that he gives me the strength to overcome everything that comes my way, but I usually forget to thank him for it.

6- I love music.. No. Really. People say this all the time, and it bothers me. There are only a few people that I know of that truly love music. I grew up around it and it is apart of me. I'm happiest when music is playing around me. Music has the power to take me completely out of my world and take me wherever it wants to. I associate music with every person and situation that I've ever encountered.

7- On a musical note (no pun intended), my first love was singing. When I was younger, I could get up in front of a crowd of adults and feel right at home with a microphone in my hand. I loved the way it felt right before I got on stage and how when you look out and see all those people giving you all their attention, all the butterflies go away. I know I could never do that again, but I love thinking about the kid I used to be.

8- At the moment, I want 8 tattoos. Think what you want, I don't really care.

9- I am naturally blond, and I am constantly switching back and forth between blond and brunette. Just another way to keep life from getting too boring.

10- I love food. I love trying new food and being surprised by how much I like it. I love how a plate of good food can make your day so much better. I also enjoy the conversations that take place a the dinner table. People connect when food is around, and it's always something I've loved. This probably sounds ridiculous to you.

11- I'm the kind of person that knows what I want, and I usually won't quit until I get it. And then once I get it, I don't give it up easily.

12- I'm very protective of my friends, even when they don't deserve it. I take it personally when one my friends do something stupid, even when I've reminded them over and over again that nothing good could come out of it. And when they don't listen, I feel like I didn't do everything I could to help them.

13- I love big people. While I'm a very protective person, I love the feeling of being protected.

14- I'm very insecure. In every way possible. I can't explain to you how much I worry about every little thing that has to do with me.

15- Last but not least, I'm a very complicated person. I used to deny this fact, because I wanted so badly to be someone that a person could describe as "simple". But I've come to terms with the fact that I am one of those people that is hard to get a long with, for numerous reasons.