I don't make you happy anymore.

.............................................

-I hate myself sometimes. Like really really hate myself. I do stupid things that only make me angry at everyone. I wish I had so much more self control when it came to some things. But whatever. It's just something else I've got to deal with.

-I always let the little things get to me. It's so easy to make me cry, it's not even funny. For certain people, it only takes a few words to kill me. I turn into goo in some people's hands. If only they knew they had so much control.

-Jealousy will always be my biggest problem. Always always always.

-Bitterness will always be my second biggest problem. My outlook on the world has become so negative. I used to be the most positive person ever and then I became awfully bitter and it never bothered me until now.

-I want it to be august so bad. I miss school. If I'm at school, that means I can't be home and that's a good thing. I miss seeing everyone everyday and having a routine and learning.

-Go away. You are seriously the most annoying human I know and I hate myself for being so rude. LET IT GO.

-!@#$%^&*&^%$#@!@#$%?!@#?$. That's how I feel right now.

Once again,

I am trying so hard.



How difficult would it be for you to return it?





Pretend if you have to, it's better than nothing.


"Love is an ocean wide, we swim in the tears we cry."

When I get where I'm goin,

Oh heyyy.
Random thoughts.


-I miss the good ol' days of MySpace, you know?

-I. Do. Not. Like. My. Hair.

-I am so so so so so so ready for school to start..

-My knee hurts.

-Things are finally getting normal. Usually, someone's trying to ruin something or trying to bring me down in some way. It's nice not having to worry about anything.

-Toy Story 3 was awesome, I can't wait to see Despicable Me!

-"Does this count as annoying?" I seriously haven't laughed that hard in a real long time.

-I love feeling like a kid again.

-My name is Shiloh. Shiloh Jenkins, to be exact. No, I was not named after the dog. No, I was not named after the battle. And no, I was not named after Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's baby. Thanks though.

-Though I am tanner, my tanline is not gone. >:(



-Pray for the animals. They don't deserve this.

Take me away,

To January. I'm done with this year, I'm tired of everyone here.


I am so tired of trying so hard, and getting absolutely nothing in return.


"You're gonna miss this,
you're gonna want this back.
You're gonna wish these days,
hadn't gone by so fast."

I told you so.

#*?!@*?!#
I'm just a big ball of emotion right now.
Its a constant battle between what I need, what I deserve, and what I want.

Some things apparently need to stop. Even though I don't want them to.

I deserve, want, and need to be happy. But my wants and needs never seem to work together.

Ugh. I'm just rambling because I have no idea how to explain myself.

"Oh, I'm begging you no, there's more life left to go"

Be a best friend.

What's upppp?
The past week has been so tiring. Saturday and Sunday we had a tournament in Weatherford. We played 5 games.
I then woke up at 4:30 on Monday morning to drive myself to Abilene for more basketball. We played 8 games in 3 days.
That's 13 games in 5 days.
I had practice last night, and I guess my knees just decided to give up. I had to sit out of practice.
But whatever. My back is still killing me and my knees still hurt, but it's the weekend! and I'm going to Granbury! So that kinda makes up for all the pain.

My dad promised that if I got good grades that I would get another iPhone.. The new one comes out on Thursday..
:D

Anyways, life is good and I hope it keeps getting better!

Byeeee.

What's the rush?

I totally just realized that I haven't posted anything in 6 days.
That's quite awhile for me.

Anyways, how's it going?
Awful? Yeah, me too.

There's one part of my life that is amazing, and the rest is just going in the complete wrong direction. I want to be happy all the time. I don't want to go back to the way I felt last summer. Not the heartbreak, but the lack of desire to do anything. I have no drive anymore, no passion. I don't really know what happened.

I've been crying a lot lately. I don't know, but nothing seems to be going right.

Its the summer. Things are supposed to be fabulous.




Right?

...................

Oh, hey.

I'm really hoping some people get over themselves reaaaaal soon.
And that some other people would stop asking so many questions.
And that someone would just open their eyes.

It's gonna mess up your head.

I have so many things to say, but I somebody would probably kill me if I said them.
So I'll just say a few things.



-There is not a single word I could use to describe you. Crazy, psycho, insane, stupid. Pick your favorite. You are so good at making a fool of yourself.

-YOU are not in control of my happiness. You never will be. I tried to be your friend, I trusted you, and you ruined everything. I hope you're proud of yourself. I used to feel bad for you, I used to blame myself for everything that happened to you, but I'm done with that. So please stop trying to push me. Again, you're only making yourself look stupid.

-Like I said a few days ago, I'm done trying to please you. I try so hard to make you happy. You're just a hypocrite. I still love you, and I probably always will. But seriously, get off my back.

I'd be lying through my teeth,

If I told you, that I'm okay.


What's upppp?
Tomorrow is Saturday and I get to wake up at 5:45 to go to Bridgeport and take my SAT..
Oh, I'm just so thrilled.

Anyways, life is pretty good at the moment. I spend my time working out and hanging out with my best friend.

-I'm tired of trying so hard for you. The other day, you told me you weren't proud of me. I never thought I would hear you say that.

"You've taken all control of everything I know. And I miss the days when I was happy on my own. When I could breathe, when I could dream. So break my heart and give me back my soul."

Water.

I found this on my camera today and I laughed.
We are so dysfunctional. :)

So how's it going?
It's summer and I couldn't be anymore excited.
I got my new calculator today and I'm taking the SAT on Saturday.


Nothing is ever perfect.