I hope he holds your hand.
And he gives you all his hours,
when he has the chance.
Take you to every party,
'cause I remember how much you loved to dance.
Do all the things I should have done,
When I was your man."
It's currently December 26 and I can honestly say it's one of the saddest days of the year. I mean, it's the day after one of the best days of the year. It's the day that people realize that all the fun is over and all the money they spent has lost its excitement and all the Christmas trees get put up. However, despite the fact that we live in Texas and it's been a steady 70 degrees throughout the month of December, we got blessed with a heavy, heavy blanket of snow on this lovely Christmas day. Even though the snow was lovely, it completely prevented us from having the whole family together and it got put in the books as one of the weirdest Christmases to date. But now it's time to ring in the new year and I've always felt that one of the best ways to do that is to reflect on the year that has passed.
To say that 2012 was full of major changes would be a collassal understatement. I spent my last semester in Peaster, I graduated high school, my basketball and cross country career ended, and I survived my first semester at Texas State University. The scenery of my life has COMPLETELY changed and it's all I can do to take my life one day at a time.
I can't pinpoint the exact moment when my life changed, or when I started expecting different things from life and the people I surround myself with. If you ask people, a majority of them would probably tell you that I became a "wild child", a "bad kid", or whatever it is you people like to call me while you're wasting your time talking about me. And while I know I talk about this a lot, I feel the need to explain things to people that seem to be a tad bit confused..
If you asked me a year ago to describe myself, I probably would have responded with something like this:
I'm Shiloh Jenkins. I love my family, sports, and animals. My dad is my best friend. I'm obsessed with good food, good people, and good conversation. I believe that I understand and love music more than the average person, and I am extremely loyal to the people I care most about. I'm very proud to be a Texan born and raised, and I love math.
Those were, more or less, my basic characteristics.
If you asked me to describe myself today, I would probably say something along these lines:
I'm Shiloh Jenkins. I love my family, sports, and animals. My dad is my best friend. I'm obsessed with good food, good people, and good conversation. I love music and math, and I'm very loyal to the ones that I care most about. I'm proudly Texan, and I like my beer dark.
And those, are my basic characteristics.
I think I've made my point.
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My first semester at Texas State was better than I could have ever imagined. I met some of the most amazing people that I hope will be in my life for a very long time, and I became so much closer to one of my very best friends, Beth Buchanan.
I learned that just because you felt a certain way, and the feelings you had were very strong, that doesn't mean that those feelings can't change and it doesn't make you a bad person when they do. I spent too much time hating myself for things that I couldn't control. And I spent too much time being concerned with what other people had to say about things that they don't understand. Hell, I don't even understand half of the things I say, do, and feel. I learned that people change, and the change can happen at any rate, but no matter what, there is no stopping it or reversing it. People will come and go, piss you off, make you happy, make you cry, and make you laugh, and there is no point in thinking about the what-if's and the should haves, could haves, and would haves.
I've learned the best kind of people are the people that see you at your absolute worst and don't hate you the next day. The people that take care of you and stay in with you on a Friday night because you're just plain sad. The people that drive you to McDonald's after a long night of studying because the only thing that will make you happy is a Spicy McChicken and a large soda for $2.16. The people that pick you up when you fall and wipe the blood off of your face and carry you out to the car like a child. The people that never get tired of seeing your face at their door and are always willing to let you sleep on their couch. Those are the best kind of people.
2012 taught me a lot, and I'm more than ready for what 2013 has to offer.
"I love unmade beds. I love when people are drunk and crying and cannot be anything but honest in that moment. I love the look in people's eyes when they realize they're in love. I love the way people look when they first wake up and they've forgotten their surroundings. I love the gasp people take when their favorite character dies. I love when people close their eyes and drift to somewhere in the clouds. I fall in love with people and their honest moments all the time. I fall in love with their breakdowns and their smeared makeup and their daydreams. Honesty is just too beautiful to ever put into words."
