"I was half in love with her by the time we sat down.  That's the thing about girls.  Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are."  ~J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye, 1945

The hours I spend with you I look upon as sort of a perfumed garden, a dim twilight, and a fountain singing to it.  You and you alone make me feel that I am alive.  Other men it is said have seen angels, but I have seen thee and thou art enough.  ~George Moore

"You are the best thing that's ever been mine"
I hate Taylor Swift, but I love that line.
Her songs would be so good... If she didn't sing them.
Bahaa.

So what's up? It's been awhile.

School is officially underway and it's going to be a difficult year.
And for some reason,
I am so excited.


Is it weird to think about how things would be if something were to happen to you and you weren't around anymore?
I think about it a lot and i always wonder how people would react.
I wonder what kind of impression I would leave on people and how much they would miss me and if they would be miserable or if they would even care.
I hate thinking about it sometimes. I feel like I would be forgotten. Maybe not immediately, but maybe I would never cross anybody's mind after a few years.
This may sound so weird to you, but I picture my funeral and i try to figure out who would be crying and who wouldn't even show up. And those other kids that I never took the time to know, or even pay attention to. They would be there just to say they went. Just a few more faces to make me feel more loved even though I wouldn't be there to see it.
I'm not thinking about it in a dark way, just a thoughtful way.

On another note, my brain hurts and things are about to get real hectic.
Its going to be a long year.

Finally, I want to be everything that you could ever want in a person. I want to be your definition of perfect. I want to be everything you could ever need. I want a lot, and I want it all for you.

"I can't wait to fall asleep to slip into my dreams, where we can dance upon a star. And I'll be as patient as a girl in love could ever be, cause i don't feel like I was real until you apart of me"

Its just perfect.

Anyways, school started Monday and I love it.
Junior year! It's weird looking back when you were a freshman and you thought the upperclassmen were so old looking and whatnot. And now we're those kids. The kids the freshmen are terrified of.
Even though there is no reason to be.
Haha. I love it.


Life is great, and gets better every day.

How bout you, with the eyes?

Oh,hey.
School starts in six days and I'm excited. School is one of the most awesome places ever. Seriously.

Things are going well. Not great, but hey. It'll do for now.
It's amazing how different parts of your life can be so.. well, different.

One part of my life is so close to perfect, I have to wonder if it's real sometimes. I don't know how to explain it. It's the best feeling in the world. It's security, happiness, and understanding all wrapped up into this awesome person that I know I don't deserve. Every day it gets better.
It's just amazing.

A penny for my thoughts.

-I could never hate you. My heart wasn't made for that. And it wasn't made for what you're putting it through. You know me well and I feel like you take advantage of that. You know I have a bad temper and you push me until I get a bad attitude and then you get every right to get mad at me. You know it's easy for me to feel sorry for people. You make me feel bad about things that every other teenager would never give a second thought to. People tell me all the time how smart I am, but you make me feel so stupid. I am smart, that is something that I have going for me, please don't take that away.
Being beautiful is a whole different story.
I was born this way, and I wish it would be good enough. Few people tell me I'm beautiful and you have no idea how good it feels when they do. I wish you told me. I want to hear it from you. I know my skin isn't perfect, every morning I wake up and pray that my skin doesn't look any worse than it did the day before. And my teeth. I hate them. You know that. I would do anything in the world to have perfect teeth. I don't smile in pictures because of them. I hate them, more than any other part of my body. But my hair, I love my hair. I really do. A lot of people do, actually. I get compliments all the time on how nice it is. But none of those really matter, especially when I hear how much you don't like it.
I wasn't given much self confidence. I'll probably never have much. But I'll never blame you.
I have so much to say, but I know I'll never be able to say it.
So I'll say one more thing. Nothing big, or earth-shattering. Just a few simple words that I will always mean, no matter how mad at you I am or how much I think I hate you.

I love you.


I'm mad at you now, and I probably will be until everything in this place gets fixed. But I know, just because of the kind of person I am, that I always love you.
It's just the way my heart was made.

Oh, captain.

I watched the movie Dead Poet Society with my dad, and it was really good. I strongly recommend watching it.
--
"I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, I wanted to live deep and suck all the marrow out of life. To put all to rest that was not life. And not, when I come to die, discover that I had not lived."
--
I love you, and I always will. But I just don't know. I can't go a day without hearing how bad my hair looks or how bad the condition of my skin is.
I want to believe I'm beautiful,
and you make it seem impossible.
--
"I pretend that I'm over you, that I don't love you.
It almost works too, until I see your face or hear your voice. Then all I can think about is how beautiful you are and how I would give anything to spend the rest of my life with you.
But.. You love her.
And I'm just your best friend."

I was on the website sixbillionsecrets.com and I found this.
I'm so glad I'm not in that place anymore.
--
Today was a sucky day.
My self-esteem is so low.
My faith in family is fading.

Things aren't supposed to be like this.

Life is so lovely.
Seriously.
I am so happy.


I just got back from vacation and it was awesome.
We left on Sunday morning and headed straight to New Braunfels.
We met my aunt, 3 cousins, my grandma and her sister down there.
We went to schlitterbahn and did that skycoaster thing.. You know where it lifts 3924983 feet into the air and drops you straight towards the ground? Yeah, that's it. I had to pull the stupid cord that released us and when it came time to pull it, I couldn't find it. That was fun.

It was nice knowing that I couldd spend that much time with Brenton without getting on each others nerves. It was perfect.. Am I allowed to say that?

My close friends tell me all the time how lucky I am, and when I really think about it, I know they're right. I have everything I could ever want. Sure, I complain about some really stupid things sometimes, but when it comes down to it, everything is good. I don't have a need to worry about something stupid like a label. That's really easy to say.

Anyways, I'm rambling.
Goodnight :)