Playing God.

"Call me crazy, I've been called worse.
It's like I have it all, but what's it all worth?"



Hey guys.
It's been awhile and I do apologize, but even though it's summer and you would THINK I have all this free time, I do not.

-Summer is about one third of the way over and I can honestly say, I wish it would hurry up and be over. However, I am not ready to be out of high school. If I could, I would remain a senior forever. My dad has had me looking at colleges every single day, and it scares me. I sort of have a direction that I want to go in life, but when it comes down to it, I really don't have a clue. Growing up has scared me ever since I was little, but now, it's a reality.

-I'm trying to help you, please let me. I've seen you give up everything and now I'm seeing you start to doubt your decision. It's okay to admit that maybe you messed up, and you want to fix things. There is nothing wrong with you wanting to change the way your life is going. Even if you keep your wall up, I'll do everything I can to knock it down.

-I'm done caring. I tried to talk to you, and you shut me out. The fact that you think what you're involved in is right, is your problem now, it's too exhausting trying to wake you up.

-I know I'm not perfect. I know that more than anyone. But you never miss a chance to remind me. I live with a fear that I'm going to mess something up, and it's not fair. To constantly have to worry about everything I say and every move I make is slowly wearing me out. My biggest problem is that I can't seem to be numb to things that happen. Most people, at this point, would turn into a huge wall that everything thrown their way just bounces off of. However, every time you say something, it hurts that much more. I never retaliate, because I know you won't listen. Nothing I say matters. Never has, never will.

-I wonder if you ever think about us and how we're doing.

Hey y'all.
The worst part about summer is never really having anything to write about, because nothing ever happens.

Summer love.

"There was a girl who loved me, her eyes aquamarine. I used to dream I'd swim in them, the sea of blue and green. She didn't care about my past, or the trouble I had seen. But in the end she walked away, one lonely, desperate day summer day. There was nothing more for her to say, once she knew I had betrayed her with my pitiful disguise-there were just too many lies. Too much deceit had come between me and the girl who loved me, when I was seventeen."

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Hey y'all!
I actually got to sleep in this morning, which was fabulous.
I figured I would take this opportunity to actually write something.

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One night in Puerto Rico, I learned a lot about how differently people handle relationships. I guess I'll just make a list of the encounters I had with one particular couple and how many different things I learned about them, and a majority of other young relationships.

1) I've always been a loner. I've never had a large circle of close friends and outside of school, I've never hung out with that many people. I have two best friends and we can go a month without seeing each other, and still be perfectly comfortable with calling each other best friends. We are secure enough in our friendship to understand that sometimes our conversations are limited to only texting and facebook, because we don't always have time to be attached at the hips. Now, I'm in a fabulous relationship with a wonderful guy. However, my relationship does not get in the way of my friendships with my girls. He works 5 days a week and my girls understand that my weekends are usually spent with him. Our friendship is not harmed because we are so close. I believe that when people are in relationships, they should maintain the ties that they have with their friends. When people don't do this, I confront them and they usually don't take that well... Oops.

2) I'm a very independent person. I'm strong and I'm usually very good at defending myself. My boyfriend is protective, but he never steps in if it's not necessary. For example, if a girl decides to confront me about the way I've acted towards her, and she does it in a very nice manner, then my boyfriend sees absolutely no reason to step in. However, when a male that doesn't even know me, decides to call me bad names and my friends bad names, my boyfriend will do what he has to do in order to get the point across that I'm not the person to mess with. In my opinion, there should always be a line. A line dividing where a boyfriend/girlfriend steps in and where they don't. However, I guess some couples don't acknowledge this line..

3) Now this is just going to be a rant.. And I will apologize in advance. You have been dating for not even three months (?) and you already call them your everything, your world, etc. Uhm, hello? I know, I hope, you're smarter than that.. From what I've heard, your relationship is not healthy, and when I tried to be a good friend and talk to you about it, you shut me out and got defensive. I know you know who you are. Please, turn your brain on.

That is all... for now.

Puerto Rico, 2011

Just a few of my favorite pictures from the trip :)

Take Me There

"A mermaid found a swimming lad, picked him for her own. Pressed her body to his body, laughed. And plunging down, forgot in cruel happiness, that even lovers drown."

"I thought mermaids were supposed to save men.

"They are," I told her. "But sometimes a guy doesn't mind drowning."

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Hey guys!
I know it's been awhile, but I haven't been near a computer... or Texas. I've spent the last 6 days in Puerto Rico! It was so much fun! But it's super late, and I'll fill you in on another day.


:)

Oh, these times are hard. Yeah, they're making us crazy. Don't give up on me baby.

Hey guys. It's definitely summer out here and this past week all my time has been consumed by studying for the SAT. Lame? Yeah. Well now that is over with, maybe I can have some fun. I'm leaving tomorrow morning very early to get on a plane that will eventually get me to Puerto Rico!
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Is it possible to love and hate someone at the same time? I've always thought that there was not enough room in our little hearts to handle such intense emotions for one person. However, there's always someone out there that can prove me wrong. But after thinking about it, I'm realizing that there is no way I could hate this person. I hate the things they say and the things they do, but I don't see how it's possible for me to ever hate them as a person. I do love them, and I guess that will have to be enough.
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I know we can make it. After all we've been through, how could we not? You're growing up, and so am I. Up doesn't mean apart. I've been fighting for this for so long now, I'm not giving up anytime soon. What we have is too good to let go of.
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I'll be back in a week to tell you all about Puerto Rico!