Where did I go wrong?

I lost a friend.
Somewhere along in the bitterness.

There is nothing worse than not being able to explain yourself.
There is nothing worse than being misunderstood.
There is nothing worse than hurting someone you love more than anything.
There is nothing worse than knowing that the person that you love will probably never be able to look at you the same.
There is nothing worse than,
Regret.

Its a bunch of crap when people say they have no regrets. I guess everyone is just so perfect that they never mess up bad enough to be mad at themselves.

I don't even know where the words came from. It was a stupid situation and I was mad that it seemed like everyone was mad at me, when I didn't do anything.
I said some things I shouldn't have and long story short, I feel like I've ruined everything.

I don't want to be looked at as someone who treats the people they love like crap. I've always been a nice person and I've always given everything I've had to people that deserve it. I've always had a big heart and extreme emotions. They get the best of me a lot, but its never been this bad.

I can't believe I've let myself do this. I hate myself so much right now, I want to throw up.

My eyelids are swollen, and there is the worst pain ever having a party in my stomach.
I am so mentally exhausted but there is no way I'll be able to sleep.
I've got too much to fix.